The Finger of Suspicion
by MaxMizuhara
Summary: While Sirius, James and Peter want to be there for Remus, Sirius wants to take it a step further. He isn't quite sure how yet but he just wants to make his past actions right by Remus. How long can two people support each other when they can't even accept themselves. (Currently in Hogwarts year 3, trying to follow canon information.)
1. Dream On

It was summer. Remus laid on his bed in his house with a warm breeze flowing from the open window. He sighed rubbing his face. He felt the relief of living another through full moon and relaxed into the bed completely. His body ached and his stomach felt empty. These were all good signs of sorts. Despite his mother's insistence on his day of rest after the transformation, Remus had agreed to let his stop over.

"Remus," The quiet voice of his mother came from the crack in his bedroom door. "I've got some breakfast for you."

Remus sat up quickly to greet his mother. "I was going to come down and eat with you." She shook her head with a smile as Remus opened the door to let her in. He smiled as he saw her with two plates. She sat at his desk with her plate after handing him his.

"Honey, you should eat where you are comfortable after the wild night you had." She gave a small smile. She tried to use humor to approach most of the uncomfortable subjects. "How are you feeling?"

After sitting down on the floor leaning against his bed Remus nodded a few times. "I can't say I've been worse."

His mother seemed satisfied with the answer as she immediately changed the subject, "So these friends you have coming over, you've known them since…?"

"Since the first day." Remus laughed as he knew where the conversation was going. "They know all about it, mum. It's fine." He paused to fork food into his mouth and eat it. "I think that is why they are so adamant about coming over today. It's the first summer since they've found out that I have been away. I'm sure it's just concern. And they could be under some sort of assumption that you are very ill." Remus tried to brush it off like it was no big deal.

His mother looked worried. "Well I guess I will just have to trust your judgement. But why do they think I am ill?"

Remus shoveled more food into his mouth shrugging his shoulders. "I may have used that as an excuse when I went away… sometimes…" His mother just chuckled as Remus laughed along with her. "I don't understand it but even after explaining they still have concern for your health just as well as mine."

"Maybe you have picked a good bunch to hang out with." Remus enjoyed talks with his mother. He believed himself to be extremely lucky to have his parents as parents. They finished up their breakfast with some talk but when they were finished Mrs. Lupin took the dishes and went down to wash them. Remus laid back down. This time he fell asleep.

Hours later as Remus slept James and Sirius arrived at the train station.

"You ready to go see our little, Moony?" James greeted Sirius with a grin. Sirius gave an uneasy look to James. "Come on, if we go over to see him cheerful we can get him over his usual slump." Sirius nodded and began to speak but James cut him off, "And when we get there we check out his place, I mean, where does a guy like that live? I bet his parent must be something."

Sirius rolled his eyes at James. "Yeah, something. Listen, I don't think we should be snooping around too much with Remus' condition. Don't you think maybe he didn't tell his parents we know?" Sirius explained his concern when they were seated on the train.

James gave a few seconds to the thought. "You might be right. So we play it cool and just be surprised when we see him all tired and beat up?"

"That might be the best bet." Sirius nodded.

After his nap Remus woke up in a sort of a panic. He was panting and covered in sweat. It was already noon. He took a quick bath before heading down stairs to find his mother in the kitchen. "I've made lunch, Remus." She greeted him with a smile. It was easy not to see how much pain he was in now that he was rested. "Maybe you should rest on the couch. Your father fixed the television."

"Oh." Remus was still intrigued by television. A newly common muggle invention. While it did not have color in their house he had heard of some actually having color. "I think I will do that." His mother tended to like to have common things muggles had in their homes for when her family came to visit, if and when they did.

His mother brought in a sandwich and set it on the table near him with a large glass of water. He instantly chugged the water and headed into the kitchen to get more after finding something to watch. Shortly after there was a knock on the door. Mrs. Lupin's face quickly turned to her son's. "Do you want me to get that?" She seemed very nervous.

"I'll get it. It's probably them anyways." He walked to the door after setting his water down. Sure enough when he opened the door he was greeted with two happy faces. "Where's Peter?"

James instantly scoffed. "Oh well it's nice to see you too." Sirius chuckled and gave Remus a hug that instantly made him wince. James lightly pushed him away and whispered angrily, "Don't do that. You know that he hurts."

Sirius glared at James and whispered back, "I know I was trying to make it not seem obvious that we know."

"Well you don't have to hurt him to do that. It's not like his parents know you hug people. It's not like a common thing to hug people, like girls hug people." The whole time during the whispering Remus led them into the house watching them in bewilderment.

Sirius continued. "I want his family to know we are good friends. There's nothing wrong with hugging."

"I'm just saying it's odd. And you hurt him. It was quite obvious. His face went like this." James then exaggerated the face that Remus had previously made.

Remus finally interjected in a normal voice. "What's going on?"

Mrs. Lupin slowly walked into the room with a curious expression. "Hello," James greeted her loudly. "I'm James Potter and this is our good friend Sirius Black. We just wanted to come by today to see our-your little Remus." He seemed startled by her entrance.

"She knows you know." Remus stated plainly shaking his head at James and Sirius.

With a sigh of relief James relaxed. Sirius nodded to Mrs. Lupin. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Lupin."

"It's very nice to meet the two of you, James, Sirius." She nodded to each other boys as she said their names. "Please, make yourselves at home."

Remus could tell Sirius and James were overly trying to be proper. "Relax, I don't want my mother to think you guys are that strange." After Remus spoke, Sirius gave his sigh of relief.

Mrs. Lupin gave the boys and her son and odd look. "Well there are sandwiches in the kitchen. Remus was just about to eat his lunch and you boys are welcome to it."

James smiled widely. "That is so kind of you. May I ask where Mr. Lupin is?"

"He's away. Working." Remus answered quickly. "He left this morning."

Mrs. Lupin smiled politely. "Well I'll leave you boys to it." She exited the room into the kitchen.

Remus walked to the couch and sat down the other two followed him. "So," James asked watching Remus expectantly. "How are you feeling?"

"Same as always. Hurts. I'm tired. I'm hungry." Remus took a bite out of his sandwich. "But it's nice to be home for a bit." He gave a smile to his friends.

Sirius sat staring at the television in awe. "That's good. We're so relieved to see you up and about." James smiled at his friend and looked to Sirius who was sitting beside Remus on the couch. "Aren't we?"

Remus then looked to Sirius as well. "Have you never seen a T.V. before?" he was partly surprised. Remus smiled and looked to James slightly chuckling. "You have no idea what to think do you?"

James rolled his eyes at Sirius. "We are concerned about our friend." He stated with slight annoyance.

Sirius broke his gaze and pat Remus and the back. "Yes, of course. I'm glad to see your mother is doing well too." Remus broke out into laughter and James gave in and sat down on the couch.

Remus happily boarded the train back to Hogwarts. It had been almost two months since he had seen his friends. As much as he would miss his comforts of home he was excited to see them and continue his studies. After he picked his compartment he relaxed with his head on the window. He knew he would be the first on the train. His third year as starting and always he was nervous about going back. He stood up and grabbed a book from his trunk. He sat down and began to read it getting completely immersed in the book.

Sirius stood outside the compartment door that was completely shut smiling at his friend. He did as a people pushed by. He was extremely happy his friend was looking well and rested since he hadn't looked so well that last time he saw him. Remus heard the commotion and looked up at Sirius with a small chuckle. It was about this time that James reached Sirius in the train's walk way. "What are you doing?" He was completely perplexed by Sirius not walking in. When he looked in he saw Remus shaking his head at Sirius with a smile.

After being startled by James, Sirius instantly entered the compartment sitting down next to his friend after putting his suitcase up. "I was just happy to see Remus doing so well."

"Doing well," Remus chuckled again. "You were being creepy, blocking the hallway and staring."

James put his luggage up as Sirius laughed. "It was not creepy. I was astonished by you, my friend." He jokingly took Remus' hand.

"Look at you poofs. I think I'll need to catch another room." He rolled his eyes at his friend and sat down.

Sirius let go of Remus' hand and leaned into his seat. "Oh, yeah right. Like someone as amazing as me can deprive the women of my lifetime my greatness."

Remus began to chuckle again. "Someone's ego has grown." James laughed with Remus. Peter entered the compartment to the laughter and began to smile.

"Peter, I haven't heard from you all summer, how are you?" Remus spoke as his laughing died out.

Peter put up his luggage with the help of Remus and quickly answered, "I've been pretty well. I just got busy over the summer with family stuff. How have you been, you know with the whole moon thing?" He asked looking at the door to make sure no one was paying attention.

Remus shrugged. "It's weird." He paused but gave a smile small before continuing. "Having you guys know. Every time we talk about it, I still feel surprised at the mention of it." This had everyone's complete attention. "I mean, don't get me wrong." Remus began to worry about how his friends felt about his statement. "It's nice having someone know besides my parents and elders. It's like I can relax and not be so deceiving to everyone. It's nice."

Sirius immediately snorted. "Is it nice or is it weird?"

"Shut up." Remus rolled his eyes and shoved Sirius playfully. "You know what I meant.

James watched his two friends and laughed along with them as did Peter. The rest of the ride was full of catching up and antics. They joked about each other's summer activities and explained how they spent the summer.

It wasn't until the night that anything strange had happened. Remus woke again in a panic in the middle of the night. Sirius had just snuck in from the common room. "Hey," He crept back to Remus' bed with concern. "You okay?"

Remus nodded while trying to slow his breathing. "It's just a bad dream. I keep having this dream of him. I don't even see him or remember him really. I just know it's him." Sirius gave Remus and odd look.

"Who scares you this much?" Sirius quickly put on a comical macho pose and deepened his voice slightly. "'Cause you know, I can rough 'em up for you."

Remus shook his head with a breathy laugh. "It's not like that." He got more serious and looked down at his interlaced fingers in his lap. "It's nothing serious. Nobody you know. Just a bad dream I have from time to time. I was just so panicked by the dream I started blurting things out."

Sirius sat down on the bed. "It's cool if you want to talk about it. I understand. Sometimes if you can talk about stuff you're not so intimidated by it."

"What?" Remus looked to Sirius and was surprised by his sincerity. "You'd just want to talk it out? My fear of the one who…?"

Sirius made a confused noise. "What?" It got quiet. Sirius put it together quickly. "I get it. It must have been pretty traumatic. You want to go play the symbols game? We can talk about it or get your mind off it."

Remus nodded. "It'd be nice to get my mind into a better place before going to sleep again." Remus followed Sirius downstairs to the now empty common room. "What were you doing down here?"

"I was just catching up with some of the other people in Gryffindor." Sirius sat down at a table and Remus took the other seat. He grabbed a copy of the Daily Prophet and they began to take turn naming and drawing in the symbols they knew. "You should really not even give him a thought you know." Sirius paused to write down a name. "He doesn't deserve your thoughts, a guy like that."

Remus smiled as he received the newspaper and filled out a few that he knew. "I know. I just worry that one day, he'll come back. My parents don't like to talk about it. Hell with my dad's job, I'm surprised he ever accepted it."

"What does your dad do?" Sirius asked looking curiously at Remus.

"He works for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. It's kind of ironic. That he would get this kind of a son. I'm surprised I haven't ruined that for him."

"Ruined it? You've probably made him better at his job." Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "I mean containing you and keeping you safe at the same time is an amazing feat." Sirius watching his friend fill out more answers. "I'm amazed by you sometimes, you know." Remus gave Sirius a puzzled look. "You know, after everything you've been through, are going through…" Sirius exhaled with wide-eyes. "Will go through. You're here. You're getting on with your life and dealing. I couldn't imagine being in your situation."

Remus rubbed his face. "Well thanks." He said sarcastically. "I'm glad I awe and inspire you." He rolled his eyes.

Sirius laugh quietly. "I'm serious."

"Ha, ha, I know you are."

"No, really. You can probably never understand how amazing you are. Fighting through it every time, living without speaking of it to others all these years."

Remus sighed in frustration. "It's not like I have a choice."

Sirius smiled. "It's not like that. You're happy." Remus shrugged. "You have people who love you regardless of what happens. You could have grown up and done anything with this problem and yet, you sacrifice yourself every time in order to protect others." Remus once again looked puzzled. Sirius sighed and thought for a few seconds. "I bet there are hundreds, maybe thousands, of people like you out there that purposely use their condition to hurt or turn people."

"I could imagine." Remus agreed. "I couldn't live with myself if I learned I had hurt someone or killed someone." Remus looked down at the floor in disgust. "Or turned someone."

After sitting in silence for a few seconds Sirius smiled. "Well cheer up, Mate. If I know you that will never happen." He pushed the newspaper away since neither of them were paying it any attention. "I know that every year that goes by you'll be more careful and smarter about it."

"I don't even want to think about it." Remus felt hopeless in the matter sometimes and talking about tended to bring up his worst fears about the future. About his future. "Let's just go to bed. I just want to get this night over with." Remus stood up and headed back to the room leaving Sirius to trail slowly behind him.

Sirius laid awake thinking about a way even if only temporarily he could help Remus with his problem. Sirius knows that James was already on the case as soon as they found out. He just felt like there may be something more immediate he could do.


	2. If I didn't Care

After everyone had headed out for breakfast the next morning Remus had stayed behind since he woke up late. Remus felt pretty well after his good night's sleep. Sirius had really helped him get the fear out of his dreams somehow. After getting his pants and shirt changed to his uniform he began to organize his things and hum a song his parents listened to over the summer. Somehow it got stuck in his head. He began top quietly sing in an attempt to get the song out of his head.

"If I didn't care. More than words can say." He swayed a little. He began to tie his tie. "If I didn't care would I feel this way?" He smiled and kept swaying. This was about the time that James reached the slightly ajar door of their room. He had rushed back to get his tie. "And what makes my head go round and round while my heart stands still. If I didn't care would it be the same?"

Remus began to pull his school robes on over his uniform. He rocked his he slowly back and forth he the music playing in his head. "Would my every prayer begin and end with just your name? And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?"

James listened to his friend singing in his oddly chipper mood. He thought about how he saw Sirius have Remus slip down to the common room last night and they spent a while down there. Surely, they were alone. "No," James breathed out and Remus jumped and turned to face the door. James began to panic, should he run or just walk in?

"Hello?" Remus asked looking quizzically at the door. "You can come in." He warmly invited the unknown person.

James gave up his internal battle and slowly entered the room. "I didn't know if you were decent. I was about to knock."

Remus just nodded. "I was just about to head out." He smiled and gave a big sigh. "I just got a little distracted."

"Yeah, I heard." James just blurted out and wished he could instantly take it back as he saw Remus' face heat up. "It was nice." He tried to save his friend the embarrassment. "What was it?"

Remus grabbed his book and parchment on his bed and put them in his bag avoiding looking at James. "Just a muggle song my parents like. I've got it stuck in my head for some reason." He shook his head and gave a forced laugh.

James just nodded giving the sound, "Uh huh." In a slow response. He grabbed his tie while watching Remus slowly yet hurriedly leave the room. James rushed to catch up to him. "You know, why do you think songs randomly pop-up in our heads?"

"I haven't got a clue why." Remus answered trying to act as if he wasn't even the slightest humiliated.

"See I think it might be because certain events can maybe trigger songs in our head." He paused and studied Remus' expression. He looked a little surprised. "You know, like if you like someone it might make you think of a love song."

Remus looked a little stunned. "Well, that would make sense." Remus then thought of the song he was singing before and began to justify himself. "Well, besides in my case. Just because you are singing a love song doesn't necessarily mean you have feelings for anyone." He tried to laugh it off. But James just smiled at him deviously as they slipped through the portrait hole and down the stairs. They had to wait for the stairs to match up correctly and Remus couldn't stand the look James was giving him. "What?" He asked almost angered.

"Nothing. I just think if there's anything you want to tell me you should know that I can keep a secret." James said holding his hands up defensively.

The stairs matched up and Remus stormed down the stairs. "There's nothing to tell. It's just a song that was played a lot this summer at my house. It means nothing." He spoke sternly

James began to snicker. "Look, all I'm saying it that if you like someone, you can tell me if you want to talk about it."

"But that's the thing." Remus spoke angered but took a breath and tried to calm himself. "I do not have feelings for anyone, like that. Not right now." He tried to explain himself calmly and sternly but it came out sounding awkward which make James more suspicious.

They entered the Great Hall with Remus' face red and James looking completely humored. They walked towards Sirius and Peter. Remus sat down by Sirius and pointed to the other side of the table by Peter. "You can sit over there today." Remus growled and rolled his eyes. His mood felt spoiled.

James grinned as he began to walk backwards away from the group to go around the table. "For any particular reason?"

"Just go!" Remus hissed and heaved a distressed sigh. "I don't understand where he get these ideas." Remus mumbled setting his bag down and he noticed that the girl he was sitting by was Lily's friend that he commonly would talk to. Remus began to feel panicked. 'Is this who he thinks I like?' He thought to himself look straight ahead hoping she wouldn't notice him right away.

She turned and made a happy sound. "Hey Remus!" She laid her hand on his shoulder. "How was your summer?"

Remus just nodded trying to avoid giving her too much attention while still being casual. "It was good. Yeah. How was yours?" He just couldn't bring himself to not be rude about it.

"Oh it was great." She was called by another girl who was leaving the hall. "Oh sorry, I got to go but we'll talk later." She stood up and rushed off.

As she left Remus waved and said, "Yeah, of course."

Sirius pat Remus on the back. "Good job, weirdo." Sirius took a drink. "What is going on with you today? Fighting with James and being awkward with your friends?" Sirius shook his head and looked at James who was sitting down and grinning at Remus. "What happened?"

Remus gave James a dark glare and slowly shook his head. "Nothing, just having a little fun messing with him. It seems I have gone too far." James began to put food on his plate and looked at Peter. Peter was stuffing his face. "Got enough there, mate?" Peter nodded nonchalantly.

Remus relaxed and began to put food on his plate as well. "Here. I saved you one." Sirius took a chocolate scone off of his plate and placed it onto Remus'. "I know you like them." Remus smiled at it. James once again watched the two closely. Sirius smiled at Remus and went back to eating.

"Thanks, that was nice of you." Remus spoke in a much happier and relaxed tone.

The rest of the day, during classes Remus had sat in between Sirius and Peter unless the teacher had specified otherwise. James watched the two joke around when he wasn't involved which was rare. It was mostly he and Sirius messing about during the classes. It was at the end of the classes that James had noticed anything weird between the two. Which might have been normal if James' mind wasn't stuck on this new conception he had of the two.

Sirius had taken Remus' notes. These were the notes he was reviewing while they sat in the courtyard waiting for dinner. "I was reading those." Remus stated in complete disbelief that Sirius had just so blatantly snatched them from his lap. "Seriously, you can take your own notes."

"I don't want to take my own. James and I were talking serious business in charms anyways." Sirius stated as if it should have been obvious to Remus. "Oh but you took remarkable notes, didn't you?"

Remus stood up to face Sirius at his full height. "You're not seriously going to read them so, could I just have them back?"

Sirius grinned and turned away from Remus. "No." He said simply as he began to shuffle through the parchment. "You can't always read and be a good student. You got to have fun too."

"Have fun too?" Remus almost laughed. "Last warning." He placed his hand out in order to receive the papers from Sirius. "Give them back." He wasn't at all mad but kind of found Sirius' actions a bit odd.

Sirius shook his head and after looking back at his friend's posture. After turning back around Remus jumped on his back making him stumble forward. Sirius dropped the notes and grabbed Remus' legs so he was stuck piggyback style on Sirius' back. "Well isn't this a predicament." Sirius said jokingly as he turned to James who was laughing at the sight. Remus began to try to push off of Sirius any way he could. "Well now you're stuck."

Remus was laughing but getting frustrated with Sirius. "Well if you just let me down I can-" Remus began complaining and trying to reach for the papers over Sirius' shoulders and by leaning to the side but Sirius' arm prevented him from leaning too far.

Peter watched the two as if they were insane with a few chuckles. "What in the hell are they doing?" He asked James. James shrugged and shook his head.

Finally after fighting for a while Sirius finally leaned down enough for Remus to grab his notes. "Okay, I get it." Sirius backed up to the bench James was sitting on and set Remus roughly down on it. "I could get on board with more fun." Remus exhaled and looked at James but Sirius sat down on Remus' lap before he could get James' attention. "What the hell? No, get off." He began to use all his force to shove Sirius off.

"You are a boney arse." Sirius spoke surprised. "You should really eat more or something. Damn."

James out his face in his hands. "You two are ridiculous."

"Oh, I'm ridiculous?" Remus shouted with disbelief. "How about his heavy arsehole? You know the one who won't get off." He spoke with strained words as he shoved his friend harder and harder.

Sirius just laughed. "You sure sound ridiculous." Peter said as shook his head.

"Okay," Sirius spoke through laughter. "Before I stand up I want to know that you'll have more fun with your life."

Remus stopped pushing and complained. "I had already stated that I would."

"But, you didn't tell me how great I was." Sirius said with a hint of playful concern.

"Oh, Sirius Black, you're the greatest friend and most handsome of men." Remus stated in a sarcastic tone laced with amusement. He felt that the ridiculousness of the situation was somehow making it more humorous than annoying.

Sirius instantly stood up, satisfied with the answer given. "Well, only if you say so." Remus organized his notes back into his bag. After several minutes of talking about their homework and classes they began to head in for their meal in the Great hall.

A few weeks later Remus had just gone through a full moon. He sat in his bed at the hospital wing in the school. He felt it was unnecessary to waste the school's time and resources to heal him after a full moon since it was not such an easy fix. "Well you're looking chipper, mate."

Remus looked up to see Sirius walking his way. "Oh? Well I don't think you've had such a terrible night." Remus answered bitterly.

Sirius looked surprised at his friend's response. "Did something happen?" Remus lifted up his shirt to show a semi-healed gash on his side. "What? How did that happen?"

"What don't you get?" Remus started to feel the anger boil his chest. He lowered his voice in case of other students nearby and nearly growled, "I'm such a danger that I can't even know if I'll be alive the next day."

Now knowing the severity of Remus' nights with the full moon Sirius couldn't help but sit down. "To protect others you have to sacrifice yourself?"

With an aggravated sigh Remus responded. "Not exactly like that. It's like I lose my mind and I have to hurt something. That's how my father explained it."

They both sat in silence for a few minutes. Remus laid back down. He watched Sirius' eyes dart around the room as if he was looking for something. "I know you're hurting, physically and well emotionally. I just wish I could help. I wish anyone could help."

Remus closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear about how much people cared for him. He didn't want to hear about how someone felt sorry for him. He just wanted to pretend it never happened to him each time the full moon had come and gone. "It's fine." Remus mumbled in the politest way he could managed.

"It's not like I pity you or anything. I just want to know if there is anything I can do to make you…" He paused looking for the right word. "Well, happy."

"Look, you were the one who was the most apprehensive when it came to finding out. I don't care why. I don't need to know why. You're sudden desire to _help_ me is just bizarre." Remus spoke trying to figure Sirius out. He was trying to be as calm as possible. "I'm an unhappy monster. Who gives a shit? I don't understand what you want me to say."

Sirius looked pained. The look he gave Remus made Remus' chest feel tight with guilt. "I don't want you to say anything." Sirius looked away. "I just wanted to do something that would make you happy." Sirius pulled shiny and reflective pieces of something Remus didn't recognize out of his pocket. "Just something like this." He sounded somber as he whispered, "Avifors." He pointed the wand at the objects as he whispered.

Remus gasped as the objects became small yet beautiful birds reflecting in the sunlight that sparkled and shined. James had entered the hospital wing when the birds rose from Sirius' hand. "Blimey." He spoke as he watched the birds flap around near Remus reflecting light all around. "How did you do that?"

After hearing James speak Sirius turned to see him. "I found it in a book. The spell that is."

James and Remus looked surprised. "You have been reading?" Remus asked as James reached the bed he was in. "What have you been reading?"

"Just a book." Sirius spoke glancing at Remus watching the birds. James was astounded by seeing this little glance. He was sure now. Something was going on between them.

James cleared his throat and began to speak uneasily. "You know, if there's anything you guys want to talk about, ever, just…" He looked at the two that were now staring at him with interest. "You know, you can tell me. We can talk."

Remus smiled. "Thanks, James."

"What would there be to talk about?" Sirius asked slightly humored. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

James shook his head. "No, I just wanted you guys to know."

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